http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog Act With Power Blog Fri, 23 Jul 2010 05:55:01 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 Eleanor Roosevelt. Mother Teresa. Rosa Parks. Oprah Winfrey. These are all inspirational women. They have done something notable or in some way made a positive contribution to society. Other people look up to them and try to emulate them. These are women who made or are making a positive difference in the world. So what can we learn from them? How can we come close to what they do or did? While there is a great deal of variation, here are four traits that most inspirational women have in common. Inspirational women are willing to go against the grain. Remember that most people are just doing what they see everyone around them doing. Inspirational women are willing to do things that most women aren’t. They take on the dirty jobs and work harder and longer than others. They push themselves to rise above the crowd or to do things more successfully than everyone else. This willingness to go against the grain is part of what sets them apart and makes them so inspirational. Inspirational women are willing to take risks. All inspirational women are risk takers. Rosa Parks risked arrest and physical harm when she took a stand (well, a seat). Oprah Winfrey took risks and became one of the most successful African American women in the world. Remember that the proportion of success that you experience is very closely tied to the amount of risk that you are willing to take. Many people who never take any risks find themselves doing the same thing day after day without getting any closer to their dreams. In addition to being willing to take risks, these inspirational women had a vision and a plan for achieving it. Mother Teresa had a dream of helping the poorest of the poor. She took a risk and traveled to India with a vision and not much else. In the end she built a ministry that is known around the world. Eleanor Roosevelt had a vision for helping and empowering women, and she was a driving force towards this goal. People who do not have vision or plans for achieving their dreams will find themselves struggling to accomplish them. Having a plan and the courage to take risks and follow through is what will enable you to achieve significant things in your life. Besides all of this, inspirational women are charismatic. This means that they have the ability to inspire and motivate others. Oprah Winfrey’s talk show has motivated countless women to improve themselves in some way. Watching her weight struggles has motivated women to lose weight. Hearing her stories of growing up in poverty has motivated women who struggled with coming from nothing. Inspirational women inspire others through the force of their personalities and their example. This is the classic, “if I can do it, anyone can.” Inspirational women realize that in most cases the only things that set them apart are their determination to take risks and follow their dreams. And these are characteristics that all women can emulate and learn from. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=176 I’m no good. Nobody will ever love me. I’m just a paper pusher. I always eat too much. These are all limiting beliefs, also known as negative self talk. They are unpleasant or negative statements that people believe about themselves. And, they limit you. They stop you from moving forward in your career and with your relationships. After all, people who believe that no one will ever love them will settle for relationships with unhealthy people instead of seeking out healthy ones. Limiting beliefs affect your life and cause you to settle for less than what you deserve. If you find yourself struggling with limiting beliefs, here are some steps that will help you to overcome them. The first step to overcoming limiting beliefs is to identify them. Start to monitor what you say to yourself. Recognize your limiting beliefs when you think them. Identify which of your thoughts are limiting beliefs and start paying attention to different ways that they affect your actions. For example, if you are constantly telling yourself, “I always eat too much,” then chances are that you tend to overeat and that this is affecting your self esteem. Identifying this limiting belief enables you to see that it affects your actions. Once you have identified your limiting beliefs, you need to examine their sources. For example, a person who believes that she always eats too much may have heard this often as a child. Figuring out where the limiting beliefs originate can help you to realize that they are not necessarily true. Remind yourself that your limiting beliefs are lies, and that you do not have to be bound to them. This reduces the amount of power that they have over you and can enable you to break free from their influence. Lastly, try to consciously replace them with positive self-talk. For example, if your limiting belief is that you always eat too much, replace it with a positive statement. This may be, “I can control my eating,” which of course should be said as you are eating something healthy or turning down seconds of dessert. Consistently replacing your limiting beliefs with positive self talk enables you to focus on positive statements instead of negatives. Doing this consistently whenever you find yourself repeating a limiting belief will enable you to move past it and to replace it with positive statements about yourself. While all of these steps can help you to overcome limiting beliefs, sometimes they work best with the help of another person. Many people seek out a trusted friend for this role. However, if you find that your struggles with limiting beliefs negatively affect your life in significant ways then you may benefit from professional therapy. There is nothing shameful or embarrassing about spending some time seeing a professional therapist. A well trained counselor can help you learn to examine your limiting beliefs and replace them with positive statements about yourself. For many people working with a trained counselor is the key to learning to use positive statements about themselves. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=174 Everyone has dreams. It is a simple fact of life. Dreams give us direction and keep us moving towards a goal. The problem comes when our dreams hang out in the ether while we do not do anything to move ourselves closer to them. Many people have their dreams but are not working towards turning them into reality. If you are wondering how to turn your dreams into real life, here are some ideas that will help. First of all, you need to clearly define your dreams. This is a bit counterintuitive, but it works. Keeping your dreams vague and undefined releases you from actually having to take a risk and work towards them. Defining your dreams clearly forces you to acknowledge them and deal with them. So take a risk and define your dreams. Maybe you want to own your own business. Maybe you want to get married and start a family. Maybe you want to take a year off of work to travel the world. Whatever your dream is, the first step to achieving it is to define it clearly. Once you have defined your dreams and goals, the next step is to come up with a plan to make them happen. Many people wrongly expect that their dreams will either happen or they won’t. Successful people realize that their dreams happen because they make them happen. The way to make your dream happen is to come up with a plan for reaching them. For example, if you want to take a year off of work to travel, there are many intermediary steps that have to happen. You need to save up money, avoid being tied to a house, work out an arrangement with your job, and many other things. Without a definite plan of action, this is a dream that would never happen. However, if you make a plan, this is something that you can actually experience. Once you’ve defined your dreams and made up a plan, you need to be prepared to take some risks. The reason that many people do not achieve their dreams is that they are not able or ready to take risks. For example, there are risks involved in quitting your day job in order to start your own business. Good planning can minimize these risks, but there is still a point where you have to gather your courage and go for it. People who do not achieve their dreams reach this point, but then they back out. In order to achieve your dreams, you need to be willing to take a risk. Lastly, as you are working towards your dreams you need to be sure to network. It doesn’t matter what your dreams are, they cannot be achieved in isolation. If your dream is to start your own business, then you want to talk to other independent business owners to see how they did it. If your dream is to travel then you should talk with other people who gave up their jobs to travel extensively. No matter what your dreams are, someone else has probably done something similar. Seeking out these people enables you to learn from their mistakes and be encouraged by their successes. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=172 Many people who do well with overcoming obstacles in their personal lives have trouble when presented with obstacles at work. Somehow, it seems as though the rules are different in the office and that you are supposed to know all of the answers already. Unfortunately, there is often no one around to teach you what you don’t know. If you are regularly presented with large and small obstacles at work, here are some steps that will help you to overcome them. First of all, identify the problem clearly. What exactly is this obstacle? What is it keeping you from accomplishing? Maybe it is a destructive coworker. Maybe it is a poor relationship with your boss. Maybe it is a policy that just rubs you the wrong way. Whatever the obstacle is, identify it clearly and specifically. This enables you to know exactly what the challenge is that you are dealing with. It also helps you to separate the obstacle from the rest of your work life so that it doesn’t feel as though the challenge is all-consuming. Once you have identified the problem it is time to start thinking. Spend some time brainstorming possible solutions to your problem. Don’t be afraid to be creative here. When you are brainstorming, anything goes. If your problem is a coworker, maybe your ideas are to talk to your boss about her, avoid her, ask for your office space to be moved, ignore her, or actively try to get her fired. While these are all feasible options, some of them are obviously better choices than others. However, during the brainstorming phase you want to try not to limit yourself only to the “good” options. Sometimes an option that initially looks like a weaker one turns out to be the best course of action. After you’ve brainstormed a list of possible options it is time to choose one or more to put into action and make a plan. As I said before, many of the options on your list will not be feasible or wise. However, you will almost certainly have several workable solutions to your problem. Take those solutions and come up with a concrete plan for improving the situation. Sometimes the simple act of making a plan helps the situation to seem less overwhelming because it helps you to feel more in control of what happens. However, you will also want to turn your plan into action so that you are actually taking steps to improve your work situation. Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. In the office, many women feel as though they are supposed to go at it alone. However, don’t forget that your coworkers and supervisors are there to help you. Don’t be afraid to ask. It may be requesting an office change so that you are further away from a challenging coworker or exploring the reasons behind a seemingly senseless policy. No matter what your plan of action is, do not be afraid to involve someone else in helping you to overcome workplace obstacles. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=170 There is a quote that says that obstacles are things that you see when you take your eyes off of the goal. The idea being, of course, that if you simply ignore or refuse to acknowledge them the obstacles will go away. While this is a nice idea, it often doesn’t work that way in real life. In real life, the obstacles often require you to do something active in order to get through or past them. If you have significant obstacles in your life that you are trying to overcome, here are some tips that will help you to persevere. First of all, try not to get discouraged. No matter what the obstacle, many of them can be conquered by keeping a positive attitude and persevering. Many people let discouragement get to them and give up on what it was they were trying to accomplish. However, successful people push through obstacles and come out the other side. Remind yourself that most obstacles are only temporary and that there is almost always something that you can do to improve the situation. While you are pushing through your obstacles and challenges, remember that you are probably not meant to go at it alone. Don’t be afraid to rely on people who can help you through. These may be friends or coworkers depending on the situation. When you are in a difficult season it is especially important to surround yourself with positive people. They will be able to encourage you when you feel like giving up, and push you when you don’t want to keep going. Positive people will also be there to lean on when you need a favor or just someone to talk to. They really are essential and going through obstacles in your life teaches you which people you can definitely depend on. No matter what the obstacle, you should always try to look for what you can learn. While some obstacles and challenges are more difficult than others, there are opportunities to be found in almost any challenge. For example, losing your job or taking a pay cut is a significant challenge. However, it is also an opportunity to look for a better job or venture out on your own. In addition, there are lessons to be learned from any challenge. Losing your job might teach you about what types of work you do and don’t enjoy. It might help you clarify skills that you need to update or traits in yourself that you need to develop. Regardless of the challenge, there is almost always something good to be gleaned from it. One essential step to overcoming obstacles is to figure out what you could do differently next time. This is related to learning from your mistakes, but it goes deeper. For example, if a significant relationship ends, figure out what went wrong and what you could do differently in your next relationship. This sometimes requires asking difficult questions or facing things about yourself that you’d rather ignore, but it will help you to become a stronger and better person in the end. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=168 Empowered. It is a word that gets thrown around a lot even though many people do not understand exactly what it means. Women, especially, often want to be known as empowered. The idea of being an empowered woman implies that you are in control of your life. There is a bit of feminism in this, but truly many women want to feel that they are empowered and in control of their lives. The question is how do you get there? What makes an empowered woman? If these are the questions that you have been asking yourself, then you will want to keep reading. Here are four essential qualities of an empowered woman. An empowered woman knows who she is. Many women today feel as though they have lost themselves. Maybe they gave too much in a relationship that didn’t work out. Maybe they put too much time into work and not enough time into themselves. Maybe they feel lost in the challenges of motherhood. Regardless, many women need to spend some time getting to know themselves. Knowing yourself goes way beyond what you do or who you are. Knowing yourself means understanding your own strengths and weaknesses. Do you work best by yourself or on a team? Do you communicate well? Are you organized? Are you a leader? These are questions that the empowered woman knows the answers to, because the empowered woman understands who she is as a person. An empowered woman knows what she wants. This means that she has goals and dreams for her life. They may or may not include marriage, a family, or rising up the career ladder. Regardless of what the goals are, the empowered woman knows what she wants out of life. This enables her to act in ways that will move her closer to these goals. If she has a goal of getting married, then she will date with that goal in mind. If she has a goal of advancing in her career, then she will work with the idea of earning an eventual promotion. No matter what the goals are, having them clearly defined enables the empowered woman to go after what she wants. An empowered woman makes connections, both personal and professional. This means that she knows people, but it goes deeper than that. The empowered woman has a network of people that she has relationships with and can count on. They may be business relationships or personal ones, but she knows that she can count on these people. The business relationships may be people she can count on to help with a project or give honest feedback. The personal relationships may be friends that she can depend on when she needs them. The connections that an empowered woman makes are with people whom she can help and who can help her. Lastly, an empowered woman empowers others. This is maybe the most difficult of all. An empowered woman can encourage other women to strive for what they want. She doesn’t pull people down but instead helps them to discover their full potential. This enables her to contribute positively to the lives of other women that she knows. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=166 Effectiveness. It is something that everyone wants but that few people can define precisely. In most cases, people use the word effective to describe someone who is good at getting things done. Maybe your boss is an effective supervisor. She delegates responsibilities and gives prompt feedback. Or maybe one of your coworkers is particularly effective. She is always on top of things and seems to have a system for keeping her work life in order. Now if you were to think about some characteristics that all of these effective people have in common, what would you say? Here are four crucial qualities of effective people, particularly businesswomen that you will want to try and emulate. Effective businesswomen manage their time well. This enables them to take on multiple projects and keep everything rolling efficiently. Having a working time management system in place also enables them to take in large amounts of information and process it successfully. Learning to manage your time well is perhaps the most crucial skill to develop if you are determined to become an effective businesswoman. In addition to managing their time well, effective businesswomen have ways of keeping themselves on task and working towards their larger goals. Often, these ways are in the form of a daily to do list. However, this list is distinctive because it should contain next actions for any major ongoing projects. For example, if you are researching for a project, one task on your to do list should be to read through your resources. This is the type of next action that will move this project forward. Of course, a daily to do list also contains smaller tasks such as responding to e-mails and scheduling appointments. No matter what tasks are on your daily to do list, maintaining and following that list will enable you to achieve you’re your large and small career goals. Effective businesswomen are masters at prioritizing. Prioritizing means that they spend time on the important things and do not spend time on what is not important. Focusing on the most important things ensures that they will be completed in time. In many cases the less important tasks can be squeezed in during breaks or when there is extra time. For example, you can complete minor tasks such as checking and responding to e-mail while eating lunch or even while taking a phone call. Prioritizing can also mean delegating a particular task to someone who is better suited to completing it. For example, if you know a co-worker has skills in a particular area that you do not, then perhaps she would be a better person to complete a particular task. One last characteristic of effective businesswomen is that they know how to enjoy their accomplishments. If you are working effectively, eventually someone higher up will notice. When this happens, graciously accept any praise or compliments that come your way. Accepting and acknowledging your accomplishments helps to keep you motivated and enables you to strive towards being even more effective. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=164 Many people, women included, wish that they were more successful in their careers. Especially in the business world, it can seem very difficult to move up the corporate ladder. Although glass ceilings no longer exist in most workplaces, it can be challenging for many to figure out how to become successful businesswomen. If you are interested in moving up in your career and becoming a more successful businesswoman, here are some steps that you will want to be sure to follow. One essential step to being a successful businesswoman is to know exactly what it is that you want. In order to know what it is that you want, you need to set clearly defined goals. Maybe you want to achieve a promotion within one year. Maybe you want to become more efficient, or meet a specific performance measure. Whatever your career goals are, make sure that they are clearly defined. Write them down somewhere, and refer to them frequently. Many businesses include this goal-setting process as part of a yearly evaluation of performance. This can be an excellent time to reflect on what you want out of your job or career. An important element of being a successful businesswoman is to be organized and effective. This means that you have to have a system for getting things done. This system can be whatever works for you and your job, but it has to be effective at helping you to stay organized. Many jobs involve completing projects with very little notice and juggling multiple tasks at once. This means that you have to have an effective way to manage projects and record your progress in a wide variety of ways. If you do not have a system for organizing your tasks and scheduling your time then you will find it very difficult to get things done.  If organization is something that you struggle with, then you need to ask for help. Find a colleague who is well organized and always on top of things and ask her to share some secrets of what works. One last step to being a successful businesswoman seems a bit counterintuitive. That is to be sure to take care of yourself and your life. Do not let your job consume you. In this day and age Americans are working harder than ever and taking fewer vacations. However, there is strong evidence that this is detrimental both to our physical and mental health. It is much better to work hard, but then leave work at the office. In many cases this requires setting some clear boundaries and then sticking to them. For example, you may refuse to come in on weekends or work late into the evening every day of the week. Of course, this might require some negotiating with your supervisor, but if you are working effectively during the day then there shouldn’t be a problem with you using your vacation time. After all, many studies have shown that people work more effectively when they have adequate amounts of time away from work. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=162 For many people it seems as though being a working woman is all about compromise. If you have children you have to compromise between time spent on your career and time spent with your family. Even if you don’t have children it can be difficult to find the right balance of work in your life. It can feel like trying to compete in what can still seem to be a man’s environment. However, if you want to be a successful working woman you need to know how to succeed in your career. Here are some tips that will get you started on the right path. One of the most important elements of being a successful working woman is to figure out what you really want out of your career. Some women work because they want to while others work because they have to. Some women want to get promotions and climb the career ladder. Other women are working as a way to help make ends meet. Some women want to move up in their company while other women are satisfied with the position that they hold. If you want to be a successful working woman it pays to take some time to figure out exactly what you want to get out of your career. These goals will guide your other decisions about accepting promotions, balancing work and family, and competing in the workplace. A critical part of being successful in any field is to capitalize on what it is that you do best. You should seek out jobs and projects that are best suited to your strengths. For example, if you work well with other people then seek out team-based projects. However, if you work best by yourself then you can seek out individual projects. Playing to your strengths will help you to do your best at work. In addition, since people generally enjoy what they are good at, using your strengths will make work more enjoyable as well. A more difficult, but still important, step to being successful in the workplace is to be clear about where your limits are. If you are not willing to work overtime because it takes away from family time, then be very direct about it. If there are certain days where you leave early to attend an event, then let your boss know that you will make up the time on other days. If you are direct and fair about what your limits are, most bosses are willing to respect them. After all, it is to their benefit if their employees are happy and satisfied with their jobs. Lastly, try to maintain your connections if you leave the workplace. Many women leave the workplace at some point in their careers. This may be a temporary leave to be with young children, or a more long-term situation. Whether or not you think you will ever return to the workplace, it is wise to try to maintain some connections there. This will make a return easier if you do go back, and enable you to maintain these significant relationships even if you don’t return to work. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=160 Many people, women especially, find themselves dissatisfied with their lives. Maybe their careers are not where they want them to be. Maybe they are looking for a significant relationship and having trouble finding it. Maybe they feel as though their family lives are spinning out of control. Regardless of the reason, many women feel as though they are not getting what they want from life. In many cases, this is due to limiting beliefs that they are still holding on to. Figuring out how to overcome these limiting beliefs can be the key to empowering yourself to improve your life. Many people struggle with limiting beliefs, often without realizing it. Limiting beliefs are negative things you believe about yourself that hold you back. Some examples of limiting beliefs would be, “nobody likes me,” or, “I always eat too much,” or, “I am too clingy in relationships.” All of these beliefs are negative things that you may think are true about yourself. In many cases they can prevent you from achieving success and getting what you want out of life. For example, a person who believes that nobody likes her or that she is too clingy may have trouble entering into a significant relationship for fear that she will sabotage anything good that comes her way. It is easy to see why limiting beliefs can have such a negative effect on your life. This is why it is important to work hard at overcoming any limiting beliefs that you have. One way to overcome limiting beliefs is to surround yourself with positive people. You don’t necessarily have to surround yourself with perfect people, just positive ones. As you get to know them you will realize that their lives aren’t perfect either and that they have the same insecurities that you do. However, positive people will try to see the good side of life and encourage you to do the same. The most effective way to overcome limiting beliefs is to focus on your good qualities. Every time you recognize a limiting belief, teach yourself to replace it with a true statement. For example, if you think, “I am too clingy,” replace this thought with, “I am a good and loyal friend.” Doing this consistently will help you to change your thought patterns. Eventually you will be able to see your good qualities instead of your weaker ones. As this happens you will naturally begin to feel better about yourself and act more confidently. One last way to overcome limiting beliefs is to actively work on your weaknesses. Many times limiting beliefs reflect something that we know we could be better at. For example, if you are shy in social situations then start observing people who are not. Try to do a few of the things that they do and watch what happens. You can use this in any situation. If you have a friend who is excellent at networking or who has recently lost weight, ask them for tips on doing the same thing. Doing this will make you more confident and help you to practice overcoming any weaknesses that you have. http://coachforpositiveaction.com/actwithpowerblog/?p=158